I have gotten dozens of comments and messages on random cards commenting similar things a lot recently.
“I thought you were so, so quiet. But actually you can be quite lame!”
“I always thought you were very quiet, but you can actually talk a lot”
“You became noisier!”

It used to happen even in secondary school I guess. It could mostly be because I take a considerable amount of time to warm up to people around me. I suppose we all take different amounts of time and I take much longer. It could also be attributed to the vicious cycle of how when you don’t know people, you don’t feel much like attending gatherings and activities together, but it is often when you don’t attend them that you miss out on the fellowship or bonding that takes place. That’s how it ends up in a circular motion and you end up not knowing anyone and not attending any gatherings because of that.

I remember having various sessions of BS and SS at different times when the issue of cliques in church was raised. And it is entirely normal for cliques to form anywhere, absolutely so. But when the issue of it was raised, the questions of church being more of a social gathering than the real purpose of worship and growth comes into play, and the idea of being “one body of Christ” yet being segregated so obviously, and often hurtingly. Being ‘left-out’ often hurts and can tear apart individuals. I used to think of it as being hypocritical for many around to always talk about loving each other yet never being sufficiently sensitive enough to notice many individuals around them. And it used to strike me that I behaved differently in school and church. Not in the normal sense of being really good in church only and being an entirely different person in school. It was more of the strangeness of being closer to school friends than church friends despite many others around me considering church friends closer. I guess the privilege of having been in a Christian school practically all my life gave me the goodness of having many Christian friends even in school. But somehow I was much noisier and somewhat more confident in school than I was in church. Its strange, and remains strange to me. I remember struggling so much just to attend YP in secondary two, and was so happy when rong jing joined me for quite some time (: I needed someone I knew well and could go crazy with.

I can really thank the Lord for bringing our batch of girls closer together this year Through ABC, YC, SS, YP and all the oh-so-many gatherings we have had. It’s been a joy and it continues to be an encouragement to me (: