I feel my head bursting and I’m not sure why. It makes me feel like burying myself under blankets and cry. There’s nothing majorly wrong. Work is piling up as usual, Easter weekend’s arrived, a gathering I’m looking forward too awaits, time to rest (hurrs) perhaps. Yet I feel terrible. It’s as if suddenly, my body has decided to stop working well. The whole week has been a drain. A 4-day-week too. Rushing a different piece of work each day, having bad sleeping patterns, failing to produce quality work. Some things also make me question how much I know of the people around me. Pain.

TOK presentation has to be revamped, which actually means I need to redo the whole thing, nearly. Individual chinese oral is horrid. Why is it that I’m only good at useless things? So what, if I can jump far, reach far, dash up stairs fast, do well in chinese (or I’d like to think so), when in every other aspect, I fail? It has never stopped haunting me, the state of a certain subject, something I thought would never have been a problem. And each time I think I’m strong, I become vulnerably weak. Each time I think I’m doing it right, it isn’t, it just isn’t. It’s not just academically.

Maybe looking back at the good ole’ days isn’t that great. Why is the grass always greener at the other end? We can never be fully contented with what we have, can we? There have been new and marvelous things I’ve gained in the past year, yet those which I’ve lost as well.
Godliness with contentment is great gain.
There has been so many times at which I’ve fallen asleep without any attempt to read my bible, let alone meditate upon it. Or pray. I’m not breathing. I’m not eating. That’s not good. Fatique has gotten the better of me.

Tomorrow marks a day of the greatest sacrifice. The Lamb was brought to the slaughter. One Man did it all.
No blood, no altar now
The sacrifice is o’er
No flame, no smoke ascends on high
The Lamb is slain no more
But richer blood has flown from nobler veins
To purge the soul from guilt, and cleanse the reddest stains
May it be that I can present myself as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable unto Him.