I wouldn’t mind going back there. And it’s not like I’m not acting like one now. I guess it all just fell apart when all the undone work and other stresses came flooding in along with those inexcusable indescribable tears of utter frustration. I also realised to some degree that part of my irritation came around as a vicious circle. One thing led to another, and I can only wish for the better, for I want nothing less.

And to you, I can only say I am sorry and I love you.

Some things made me smile today though despite the piercing pain within.

Such as meeting Meranda who came as a sort of coach of MGS primary OM kids. So cute. So young. So innocent. I brought one of those kids to the toilet, and she was so excited, I asked her why. And she in her naivety told me that the girls’ toilets in a boys’ school must be really clean because hers is really dirty. Upon seeing that it was also the staff toilet, she grinned and mused, “it must be cleaner!”, and ran inside exhilarated. I wish things were so simple now. I do miss Meranda so very much. I miss being me-in-those-days.

But I guess looking back to those greener days are good to some extent, but I must treasure the present moments, and realise these good old years will never return once gone. Even if they are spent doing math portfolio, or chinese essays, or chem pracs, or math worksheets, or memorising songs, or poring over king lear, or musing over the color purple, or crying over spilt milk……

Over the weekend, I have 2 chinese essays, 1 math portfolio, many math worksheets, king lear extract 20, business IA to work on, many chinese notes and king lear to read, color purple to re-read, chinese prelims to study for, and many upcoming tests to worry over.

And for now, I think I need to memorise Nyosa! before anything bad happens tomorrow. Like me becoming the caretaker of the bags because of my inability to sing the song.

Taboo Finals were hilarious to say the least, and some of the words were quite raise-my-eyebrow-worthy, not forgetting the funny ways people used to describe the words, and the strange replies gotten. Like David getting thrown into the lion’s den. And winning second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh in the swimming competition (anything, but first).

And God, I could only think of this in the morning, in my prayer and guilt.

I’ll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself is not what You have required
You search much deeper within to the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart
I’m coming back to the heart of worship
When it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the things I’ve made it
When it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus

Only You, for there’s no other like You In my folly, I see Your wisdom and in my weakness, I see Your power. I’ve been unfaithful, I’ve been blind, but You, You led me to the light and let me regain my sight in Your grace and mercies. My service to You dear Lord, is so meagre, so weak. Help me that I may find the joy in serving You, that in my piano-playing, in my singing, in my tuition work (which I fail terribly at), in every little work, may it bear fruit. For in You, nothing is impossible, but without You, we can do nothing.

[edit: 1:34am] I HAVE FINISHED (nearly, mostly, quite fully) MY MATH PORTFOLIO! Oh the ecstasy! [/edit]