It’s frustrating, beyond means, that I keep on looking back. Wondering if this was the best decision I could have come to. Whether there really wasn’t a way out of the annoying situation I had gotten myself into.

So many factors have contributed to this decision.

And so many factors have pushed me towards FASS. Towards Econs. Towards, perhaps, something I’d never thought I would be going into.

Most of the time, I’m contented, contented that I have a place, contented that I have good friends with me, alongside. But other times, I have hints of regret. Regret. Regret.

I could have been. But I gave that up. Opportunity costs, much?

I don’t know. I wish I knew. But I’m only human. At least, most people have better choices to choose from. I had no exact direction. And to be honest, it’s one annoying decision I made. Maybe, I should just tear up that Letter, forget it ever existed, forget this opportunity I trampled on, forget.

I need to think of this path I’ve chosen as the right one, the one God has led me to, inevitably or not. I need to believe, trust, and move on. But it’s difficult, when I can’t tell at all that this is right for me.

I’ve lost somewhat of a direction.

***

The faculty is huge.

***

I hate it when you say that I’m not pursuing my dreams. You don’t know. You don’t know. I see where you’re coming from, but you don’t know.

Right now, I’m heading down a road I never thought I would. It was never what I thought I would choose to take. But contributing factors have caused me to choose this major. And honestly, I don’t know how well I’d do in it.

Psychology’s out of the way. Geography, is an interest, not a pursuit. I don’t know how that works, honestly. Economics. Mathematics.

***

It’s all up to You, Lord, You led me down this road, helped me make this choice, take away every hint of regret, place in me trust, faith, hope and a goal, the goal to make the most out of what I’ve chosen. No longer look back. Look back on what could have been. It appeared to be over when I signed that Letter. But my heart isn’t allowing me to let go so easily.

***

Empty pursuits?

Still I must pursue. Do my best. Maximise the potentials You’ve given to me. Help me trust.

***

On my reading list:
“The Armchair Economist”
“The Undercover Economist”

And whoo, in addition to that, I’m reading McGee, HAHAHAHA. Small Greek Woman. Lalala.